Teesta

I want to write so much today till my fingers bleed. But I cannot. The language of my thoughts is jumbled up. I've noticed how nothing affects me anymore and how everything affects me but I can manage to zip it up some how and go on. I was thinking of a post that I wrote with so much intensity recently that I deleted because I didn't want people I knew reading it. It transpired my innermost feelings about a certain incident and my interpretations of it. As I said I am all jumbled up in my thoughts for now. Yet, at that point my decipherence was right. My writing was not in line with my feelings but they left the same message at that point. With less gracefulness I think. I even had a valued opinion of a fellow blogger- Shro.

I was willing to cut off that detail of my life just so that people who read my life would think otherwise. But it all came tumbling down like a pack of playing cards, and the light of the story was out.

I am looking to adopt a little girl. Just in my thoughts. I am searching for a little one who I can name that of a river and show her life. Maybe this ever growing thought within me is a sign- not that I need to be a mother but perhaps a search for the little girl that I was and not anymore. That girl who never made a spelling error and who could hold up against all odds.